Kodi Amuna ndi Akazi Amasiye Amafunikira Chiyani? Nanga Mungawathandize Bwanji?

Tsiku lina Jeanne ankaika mbale patebulo kuti adye chakudya. Ndipo mosaganizira n’komwe anaikapo mbale ziwiri. Koma atayang’ananso patebulopo, n’kuzindikira kuti waikapo mbale yake ndi ya mwamuna wake, anayamba kulira. Mwamuna wakeyo anali atamwalira ndipo panali patatha zaka ziwiri.

MUNTHU amene mkazi kapena mwamuna wake wamwalira amakhala ndi chisoni chachikulu kwambiri moti n’zosatheka kuti munthu amene sanakumanepo ndi zimenezi amvetse mmene zimapwetekera. Munthu woferedwayo zimamutengera nthawi yaitali kuti akhulupirire kuti zimenezi zachitikadi. Mwachitsanzo, mwamuna wake atamwalira mwadzidzidzi, Beryl, yemwe ali ndi zaka 72, sanakhulupirire kuti zimenezi zachitikadi. Iye anati: “Ndinkangoona ngati ndikulota. Sindinakhulupirire kuti mwamuna wanga wamwaliradi. Ndinkangoona ngati ndimuonanso akulowa pakhomo la nyumba yathu.”

Munthu akadulidwa mwendo kapena dzanja, nthawi zina amamva ngati kuti chiwalocho chidakalipobe. Mofanana ndi zimenezi, anthu amene aferedwa nthawi zina amaganiza kuti akuona wokondedwa wawo pagulu linalake la anthu, kapenanso nthawi zina amangozindikira kuti akumuuza mawu enaake mwamuna kapena mkazi wawo, ngakhale kuti iye palibe.

Nthawi zambiri achibale ndi mabwenzi amasowa chochita wokondedwa wawo akaferedwa mwamuna kapena mkazi wake. Kodi mukudziwa aliyense amene mwamuna kapena mkazi wake wamwalira? Kodi mungamuthandize motani? Kodi muyenera kudziwa zinthu ziti kuti muthandize anthu otere? Nanga mungachite chiyani kuti muwathandize kuti pang’ono ndi pang’ono ayambenso kusangalala?

Zimene Muyenera Kupewa

Achibale ndi mabwenzi amakhudzidwa kwambiri wokondedwa wawo akakhala pa chisoni ndipo iwo amafunitsitsa kuthandiza wokondedwa wawoyo kuti aiwaleko mwamsanga za imfayo. Koma katswiri wina, amene anachita kafukufuku wokhudza amuna ndi akazi amasiye  okwana 700, analemba kuti: “Palibe malire enieni a nthawi imene munthu ayenera kukhala wachisoni.” Choncho musamuletse wokondedwa wanuyo kusonyeza chisoni chake. Muloleni kuti asonyeze mmene akumvera mumtima mwake, ngakhale zimenezi zitamutengera nthawi yaitali.​—Genesis 37:34, 35; Yobu 10:1.

Mungachite bwino kuthandiza pa zinthu zina zofunika pamaliro, koma simuyenera kuyendetsa zonse zochitika pamaliropo. Mwamuna wina wamasiye wa zaka 49, dzina lake Paul, ananena kuti: “Ndimayamikira kuti anthu amene anandithandiza pamaliro a mkazi wanga anandichitira zinthu zambiri zofunika koma sanandilande udindo wanga pa zochitika za pamaliropo. Ndinkafunitsitsa kuti zonse ziyende bwino pamaliro a mkazi wanga. Ndinkaona kuti umenewu unali mwayi wanga womaliza wosonyeza ulemu kwa mkazi wanga.”

N’zoona kuti pali zinthu zina zimene namfedwa amafunikira kuti ena amuthandize. Mwachitsanzo, mkazi wina wamasiye wa zaka 68, dzina lake Eileen, anati: “Chifukwa choti maganizo anga anali atasokonezeka, zinali zovuta kwambiri kulongosola zinthu zosiyanasiyana zokhudza mwambo wa malirowo. Mwayi wake, mwana wanga ndi mkazi wake anandithandiza kwambiri.”

Komanso musamamangike kukamba za malemuyo. Berly, amene tam’tchula uja, anati: “Mwamuna wanga John atamwalira, anzanga anandithandiza kwambiri. Koma ndinaona kuti ambiri ankapewa kunena chilichonse chokhudza mwamuna wangayo. Zimenezi sizinkandisangalatsa chifukwa zinkakhala ngati kuti palibe chimene chachitika.” Pakapita nthawi, akazi kapena amuna amasiye angafune kuti muzikambirana nawo momasuka za malemuyo. Ngati mukukumbukira zinthu zinazake zabwino zimene malemuyo anachita kapena nkhani inayake yosangalatsa yokhudza malemuyo ndipo mukuona kuti sangakhumudwe nayo mutamuuza, musazengereze kuifotokoza chifukwa cha mantha. Fotokozani makhalidwe ake amene ankakusangalatsani kwambiri kapena zinthu zina zimene ankachita zomwe simuziiwala. Zimenezi zingathandize namfedwayo kudziwa kuti enanso akukhudzidwa ndi imfayo.​—Aroma 12:15.

Mukamalimbikitsa mnzanuyo, pewani kum’patsa malangizo ambirimbiri. Komanso musamukakamize kusankha zochita mwamsangamsanga. * M’malomwake, khalani osamala ndipo muyenera kudzifunsa  kuti, ‘Kodi ndingachite chiyani kuti ndithandize mnzanga kapena m’bale wangayu kuti apirire pa nthawi yovuta kwambiri ngati imeneyi?’

Zimene Mungachite

Mwamuna kapena mkazi akangomwalira kumene, wotsalayo angafune kuti mumuthandize kuchita zinthu zina. Mwina mungam’thandize kuphika zakudya, kupereka malo ogona kwa achibale ena amene abwera, kapenanso kucheza ndi namfedwayo.

Komanso muyenera kudziwa kuti nthawi zambiri amuna amasiye ndi amene amavutika kwambiri chifukwa chokhala okha kusiyana ndi akazi amasiye. Mwachitsanzo, m’mayiko ena, amuna amasiye ochuluka kuposa theka la amuna onse amasiye amakwatiranso pasathe chaka ndi theka kuchokera pamene mkazi wawo wamwalira. Koma zimenezi sizimachitika kawirikawiri ndi akazi amasiye. Kodi n’chifukwa chiyani pali kusiyana kumeneku?

Anthu ambiri amaganiza kuti amuna amasiye ochuluka amakwatiranso mwamsanga chifukwa chakuti amafuna kwambiri munthu wowasamalira komanso chifukwa cha chilakolako cha kugonana. Koma zimenezi si zoona. Zoona zake n’zakuti, mwachibadwa, amuna amafotokoza zakukhosi kwawo momasuka kwa mkazi wawo yekha basi, choncho iwo amakhala osungulumwa kwambiri mkaziyo akamwalira. Koma mkazi wamasiye savutika kupeza anthu owauza zakukhosi kwake, ngakhale kuti nthawi zina anzake a mwamuna wake samakhala naye chidwi. Popeza kuti mwachibadwa amuna amadalira kwambiri mkazi wawo, ambiri amaona kuti kukwatiranso ndi njira yokhayo imene ingawathetsere vuto losungulumwa, moti amakwatiranso mwamsanga ngakhale kuti zimenezi zimatha kuwabweretseranso mavuto ena. Choncho, akazi amasiye amatha kulimbana mosavuta ndi vuto losungulumwa kuyerekezera ndi amuna.

Komabe kodi mungatani kuti muthandize mnzanu kapena m’bale wanu amene waferedwa, kaya ndi wamwamuna kapena wamkazi, kuti asakhale osungulumwa? Mkazi wina wamasiye wa zaka 49, dzina lake Helen, anati: “Pali anthu ambiri amene amafuna kuthandiza, kungoti amafuna kuti uchite kuwapempha. Nthawi zambiri amangokuuza kuti, ‘Ngati mungafune thandizo lililonse mundidziwitse.’ Koma ndimasangalala ndi munthu amene amangondiuza kuti, ‘Ndikupita kumsika, kodi mungakonde kuti tipitire limodzi?’” Nayenso Paul, amene mkazi wake anamwalira ndi matenda a khansa, anafotokoza kuti amasangalala ena akamupempha kuti apite nawo kwinakwake. Iye anati: “Nthawi zina sumafuna kucheza ndi ena kapena kukambirana nawo za vuto lako. Koma ukacheza ndi anzako, umamva bwino kwambiri, moti umaiwalako zoti umakhala wekhawekha. Umadziwa kuti anthu ena amakuganizira kwambiri, ndipo ukadziwa zimenezi vuto lako limapepuka.” *

 Nthawi Imene Oferedwa Amafunikira Kwambiri Kuwasonyeza Kuti Mumawaganizira

Helen anaona kuti nthawi imene iye anafunikira kwambiri anthu omulimbikitsa ndi pamene anzake ndi achibale ake ambiri anali atabwerera kwawo. Iye anati: “Anzako komanso achibale amakulimbikitsa kwambiri maliro akangochitika kumene, koma kenako amakusiya n’kumakapitiriza ntchito zawo. Koma iweyo umavutika kuti uyambenso kukhala bwinobwino.” Podziwa zimenezi, mabwenzi enieni amapitirizabe kum’thandiza mnzawo amene waferedwa.

Mwamuna kapena mkazi wamasiye angafunikire kwambiri kukhala ndi ena pa masiku osaiwalika, monga tsiku limene analowa m’banja kapena tsiku limene mwamuna kapena mkazi wake anamwalira. Eileen, yemwenso tam’tchula kale uja, ananena kuti tsiku limene analowa m’banja likafika amakhala wosungulumwa chifukwa limam’kumbutsa zimene ankachita chaka chilichonse ndi mwamuna wake patsikuli. Komabe mwana wake wamwamuna amamuthandiza kuti asasungulumwe kwambiri. Iye anati: “Chaka chilichonse, pa tsiku limene ndinalowa m’banja, mwana wanga Kevin amapita nane kokayenda tsiku lonse ndipo timadyera limodzi chakudya chamasana. Timachita zimenezi chaka chilichonse monga mayi ndi mwana wake.” Mungachite bwino kumakumbukira masiku amene wachibale kapena mnzanu wina angakhale wachisoni kwambiri chifukwa cha imfa ya mwamuna kapena mkazi wake. Ndiyeno konzani zoti inuyo kapena anthu ena adzakhale ndi munthuyo patsiku lovutalo.​—Miyambo 17:17.

Ena aona kuti amalimbikitsidwa ndi munthu amene nayenso anaferedwa mwamuna kapena mkazi wake. Mwachitsanzo, Anne, yemwe mwamuna wake anamwalira zaka 8 zapitazo, amacheza ndi mayi winanso wamasiye. Iye anati: “Mayi ameneyu ndi wolimba mtima kwambiri ndipo zimenezi zinandilimbikitsa kwambiri kupitirizabe kupirira.”

Amuna ndi akazi amene akhala amasiye kwa nthawi yaitali ndithu n’kuyamba kuiwalako za umasiye wawo, angathe kulimbikitsa ena ndiponso kuwathandiza kuti asataye mtima. M’Baibulo muli nkhani ya akazi awiri amasiye, Rute ndi mpongozi wake Naomi, amene ankalimbikitsana. Nkhani yokhudza mtima imeneyi imasonyeza kuti akazi amenewa ankasamalirana ndipo zimenezi zinathandiza kuti athe kulimbana ndi mavuto amene ankakumana nawo.​—Rute 1:15-17; 3:1; 4:14, 15.

Nthawi Yochira

Ngakhale kuti amuna ndi akazi amasiye amafunika kukumbukira okondedwa awo amene anamwalira, ayeneranso kukumbukira kuti amafunika kudzisamalira pa moyo wawo. Mfumu yanzeru Solomo inanena kuti pali “mphindi yakulira.” Koma inanenanso kuti pali ‘mphindi yakuchira.’​—Mlaliki 3:3, 4.

Paul, yemwe tam’tchula uja, anapereka chitsanzo chosonyeza kuti si bwino kuganizira kwambiri zakale. Iye anati: “Ine ndi mkazi wanga tinali ngati timitengo tomwe takulira pamodzi molukana. Koma kenako tingati kamtengo kamodzi kanafa n’kudulidwa ndipo kamtengo kenako kanatsala katapindika. Chinali chinthu chachilendo kwambiri kukhala ndekhandekha.” Ena safuna kuiwala zakale pofuna kuti akhalebe okhulupirika kwa mwamuna kapena mkazi wawo amene anamwalira. Enanso amaganiza kuti akamasangalala akhala ngati sankamukonda kwambiri malemuyo. Choncho amakana kupita kokayenda kapenanso kucheza ndi anthu ena. Ndiye kodi mungathandize bwanji amuna ndi akazi amasiye kuti achire, kapena kuti mwapang’onopang’ono ayambirenso kusangalala pamoyo wawo?

Chinthu choyamba chimene mungachite ndicho kumuthandiza munthuyo kuti afotokoze mmene akumvera mumtima mwake. Herbert, amene wakhala wamasiye kwa zaka 6, ananena kuti: “Ndinkasangalala anthu amene ankadzandiona akakhala phee n’kumamvetsera ndikamawafotokozera zimene zinali kumtima kwanga panthawiyo. Ndikudziwa kuti zimene ndinkachitazo sizinali zosangalatsa kwa anthu amene ankadzandionawo koma ndimayamikira kwambiri kuti ankandimvetsa.” Chimene chinam’khudza kwambiri Paul n’chakuti mnzake wina ankakonda kumufunsa mmene akumvera mumtima mwake. Paulo anati: “Ndinkayamikira kwambiri kuti iye ankalankhula nane moleza mtima komanso momasuka ndipo nthawi zambiri ndinkamasuka kumuuza mmene ndinkamvera mumtima mwanga.”​—Miyambo 18:24.

Mwamuna kapena mkazi amene waferedwa akamachita zinthu zosonyeza kuti wasokonezeka  maganizo, monga kudziimba mlandu, kukhala waukali, amakhala kuti watsala pang’ono kuvomereza kuti zachitikadi. Chimene chinathandiza mfumu Davide kuti alimbe mtima ndi kuvomereza kuti mwana wake wamwaliradi n’chakuti ankafotokoza zonse zimene zinali mumtima mwake kwa Yehova Mulungu, yemwe ndi wodalirika kuposa munthu aliyense.​—2 Samueli 12:19-23.

Munthu amene mwamuna kapena mkazi wake wamwalira amafunika kuyambiranso kuchita zinthu mwanthawi zonse, ngakhale kuti zimenezi zimakhala zovuta poyamba. Mwina mungathe kumupempha kuti muchitire limodzi zinthu zina monga kupita kumsika kapena kupita kokawongola miyendo. Mungamupemphenso kuti akuthandizeni kugwira ntchito inayake. Zimenezi zingathandizenso kuti iye asamangokhala yekhayekha. Mwachitsanzo, mungam’pemphe kuti ayang’anire ana kapena akuphunzitseni kuphika chakudya chinachake chimene iye amachiphika bwino. Mwinanso mungam’pemphe kuti akuthandizeni kukonza zinthu zina zowonongeka pakhomopo. Kuchita zimenezi kungamuthandize kuiwalako mavuto ake komanso kuona kuti iyeyo ndi wofunika kwa anthu ena.

Mwamuna kapena mkazi wamasiyeyo akayambanso kulankhula ndi ena momasuka, pang’onopang’ono angathe kuyambiranso kusangalala ndi moyo moti mwina angathe kukhala ndi zolinga zatsopano zoti azikwaniritse. Izi n’zimene zinam’chitikira Yonette, mayi wamasiye wa zaka 44. Iye anati: “Zinali zovuta kuti ndiyambirenso kuchita zinthu ngati kale. Zinkandivuta kwambiri kugwira ntchito za tsiku ndi tsiku, kusamalira ndalama ndiponso ana anga atatu.” Koma patapita nthawi, Yonette anaphunzira kuchita zinthu mwadongosolo komanso kulankhula bwino ndi ana ake. Anazindikiranso kuti ndi bwino kulola anzako apamtima kuti akuthandize.

“Moyo Wako Umakhalabe Mphatso Yamtengo Wapatali”

Achibale ndiponso mabwenzi ayenera kukhala omvetsa zinthu kuti amuthandize mnzawoyo moyenerera. Namfedwayo angathe kumakhala wosangalala nthawi zina koma nthawi zina angathenso kungosintha n’kukhala wokhumudwa kwambiri. Zimenezi zingachitike kwa miyezi kapenanso zaka zambiri. Dziwani kuti nthawi zina ululu wa mumtima mwake umakhala waukulu kwambiri.​—1 Mafumu 8:38, 39.

Panthawi imene wakhumudwa kwambiri m’pamene amafunikira kumulimbikitsa kuti asatayiretu mtima n’kuyamba kumadzipatula. Amuna ndi akazi amasiye ambiri amene athandizidwa m’njira imeneyi ayambiranso kukhala osangalala pamoyo wawo. Mwachitsanzo, Claude, mwamuna wamasiye wa zaka 60 yemwe panopo amagwira ntchito yolalikira uthenga wabwino m’dziko lina la ku Africa, anati: “Ngakhale kuti imfa ya mwamuna kapena mkazi wako imakhala yopweteka kwambiri, moyo wako umakhalabe mphatso yamtengo wapatali.”

N’zoona kuti, munthu akaferedwa mwamuna kapena mkazi wake, moyo wake umasintha kwambiri. Komabe pali zinthu zambiri zimene amuna kapena akazi amasiye angachite zopindulitsa anthu ena.​—Mlaliki 11:7, 8.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Mawu Otsindika patsamba 11]

Mabwenzi enieni amapitirizabe kum’thandiza mnzawo amene waferedwa

[Bokosi/​Chithunzi patsamba 12]

 Kodi Ndi Bwino Kusungabe Zinthu za Malemuyo?

Helen, yemwe mwamuna wake anamwalira zaka zingapo zapitazo, anati: “Pali zinthu zambiri za mwamuna wanga zimene ndimazisungabe ndipo zimandikumbutsa zinthu zambiri zosangalatsa. Sindinafune kutaya mwamsanga chinthu chilichonse cha mwamuna wanga chifukwa ndinkadziwa kuti ndingadzazifunenso mtsogolo.”

Koma mosiyana ndi mayi ameneyu, Claude, amene mkazi wake anamwalira zaka zoposa zisanu zapitazo, anati: “Ine ndimaona kuti sindichita kufunikira kukhala ndi zinthu zambirimbiri za mkazi wanga kuti ndizitha kum’kumbukira. Choncho ndimaona kuti ndinachita bwino kuzitaya chifukwa kuchita zimenezi kunandithandiza kuvomereza imfa yake komanso kuchepetsako chisoni chimene ndinali nacho.”

Mawu a anthu awiriwa akusonyeza kuti anthu angasankhe mosiyanasiyana pa nkhani yotaya kapena kusunga zinthu za mwamuna kapena mkazi wawo amene wamwalira. Choncho, mabwenzi ndi achibale anzeru amapewa kukakamiza anamfedwa kuyendera maganizo awo pa nkhani imeneyi.​—Agalatiya 6:2, 5.

[Zithunzi patsamba 9]

Kodi ndi masiku ati amene woferedwayo angafunikire kwambiri thandizo lanu?

[Chithunzi patsamba 9]

Apempheni kuti mupite nawo limodzi koyenda

[Zithunzi patsamba 10]

Khalani nawo amuna kapena akazi amasiye pazochita zanu za tsiku ndi tsiku kapenanso pa nthawi yosangalala