WIBAZA ko uwo mugabo n’umugore bavuzwe aho haruguru bakeneye gutunganya ingorane izihe? Biboneka ko uwo mugabo bimugora gucungera ishavu ryiwe. Ariko rero, uretse n’ivyo, bisa n’uko uwo mugabo n’umugore badahuza ku bijanye n’ukuntu umwidegemvyo abana babo bakwiye kugira wongana. Vyongeye, bisa n’uko hari ikitagenda neza mu bijanye no guseruriranira akari ku mutima.

Nta mubano utunganye ubaho. Imibano yose ntizobura guhura n’ingorane zinaka. Ingorane zaba izikomeye canke izisanzwe, birahambaye cane ko umunega n’umukenyezi biga kuzitunganya. Uti kubera iki?

Uko igihe kirengana, ingorane zitagiye ziratorerwa umuti zoshobora gucika inzitizi zo guseruriranira akari ku mutima. Wa mwami w’inkerebutsi Salomo yavuze ati: “Ibitāti ben’ivyo bimeze nk’ibihindizo vyugara inzu y’igihome.” (Imigani 18:19) None ushobora gute gutuma haba uguseruriranira akari ku mutima mu buryo kirumara igihe muba muriko muratunganya ingorane?

Nimba uguseruriranira akari ku mutima ari yo maraso aha ubuzima umubano w’abubatse, urukundo n’icubahiro rero ni vyo mutima be n’amahaha vy’ubucuti bwo mu mubano. (Abanyefeso 5:33) Mu bijanye no gutunganya ingorane, urukundo ruzovyurira umugore n’umugabo umutima wo kwirengagiza amakosa yakozwe muri kahise be n’umubabaro watewe n’ayo makosa, maze bitunire ku gutorera umuti ingorane izoba ibahanze. (1 Abakorinto 13:4, 5; 1 Petero 4:8) Abagabo n’abagore bagaragarizanya icubahiro barareka umwumwe wese muri bo akisanzura mu guserura iryo agona kandi barihatira gutahura insobanuro y’ikiba kivuzwe, aho kwibanda gusa ku majambo aba avuzwe.

Rimbura izi ntambwe zine zerekanywe aha hepfo, maze urabe ukuntu ingingo ngenderwako zo muri Bibiliya zishobora kugufasha gutunganya ingorane mu buryo buranga urukundo n’icubahiro.

1. Nushinge umwanya wo kuganira kuri iyo ngorane.

“Ikintu cose cashingiwe igihe caco, . . . igihe  co gucereza n’igihe co kuvuga.” (Umusiguzi 3:1, 7) Nk’uko vyerekanywe muri kwa guhazuka kwavugwa mu ntango, ingorane zimwezimwe zoshobora gutuma haba ugutwarwa n’ishavu. Hamwe ivyo vyoshika, nugire ukwigumya usabe uwo mwubakanye ko mwofata ifire gatoya, ni ukuvuga ko mwofata umwanya wo “gucereza,” mutaratwarwa n’ishavu. Murashobora kurinda umubano wanyu ingorane nyinshi mu gihe mwokwumvira iyi mpanuro yo muri Bibiliya igira iti: “Gutangura imitongano ni nko kugomorora amazi, nuko reka ibirake utarasinda.”—Imigani 17:14.

Ariko rero, hariho kandi “n’igihe co kuvuga.” Nka kurya kw’urwiri, ingorane zirashinga imizi igihe zigiye zirirengagizwa. Ntimwigere rero mwirengagiza ingorane, mwiyumvira yuko izopfa kwiheza. Igihe uba usavye uwo mwubakanye ko mwoba murahagaritse ikiyago, numugaragarize icubahiro mu guhitamwo umwanya utari uwa kure muzosubira kuganirirako ibijanye n’iyo ngorane. Isezerano mwene iryo rirashobora kubafasha mwempi gushira mu ngiro iciyumviro kiri muri iyi mpanuro yo muri Bibiliya igira iti: “Izuba ntirirenge mugishavuye.” (Abanyefeso 4:26) Birumvikana ko ukwiye rero guca wubahiriza iryo sezerano.

2. Nuvugishe ukuri igihe userura iryo ugona kandi ubigirane icubahiro.

“Umwe wese muri mwebwe navugane ukuri na mugenziwe.” (Abanyefeso 4:25) Nimba wubatse, umugenzi wawe somambike kuruta abandi bose ni uwo mwubakanye. Ku bw’ivyo rero, igihe uba uriko uraganira n’uwo mwubakanye, numubwize ukuri ukuntu wiyumva kandi uvuge udomako. Margareta, * uno akaba amaze imyaka 26 yubatse, avuga ati: “Igihe nari maze imisi mikeya nubatse urwanje, nitega yuko mu gihe hokwaduka ingorane yinaka, umunega wanje yociye amenya ukuntu numva merewe. Nahavuye ntahura yuko kwitega ibintu nk’ivyo, bitagira ishingiro. Ubu ndagerageza guserura neza ivyiyumviro vyanje be n’ukuntu niyumva.”

Uribuka yuko mu gihe muba muriko muraganira ku cateye ingorane, intumbero yawe atari iyo gutsinda urugamba canke ukunesha umwansi, ahubwo ko ari iyo kumenyesha gusa uwo mwubakanye ivyiyumviro vyawe. Kugira ngo ivyo ubushikeko neza, nuvuge ico wiyumvira ko ari co cateje iyo ngorane, maze uvuge igihe iyo ngorane yadukiyeko, mu nyuma usigure ukuntu wumva umerewe kubera iyo ngorane. Nk’akarorero, nimba ushavujwe n’urwangara uwo mwubakanye afise, ubigiranye icubahiro urashobora kumubwira uti: ‘Igihe uba ushitse uvuye ku kazi, maze ugaterera impuzu zawe hasi [aho uba uvuze igihe iyo ngorane yabereyeko be n’ico yavuyeko], mpora nca niyumvira yuko udakenguruka utwigoro ngira kugira ngo nitwararike iyi nzu [aho uba usiguye neza na neza ukuntu wumva umerewe].’ Maze ubigiranye ukwiyubara, nuce uvuga ico wiyumvira ko coba umuti w’iyo ngorane.

3. Niwumvirize uwo mwubakanye kandi witwararike ukuntu yiyumva.

Umwigishwa Yakobo yanditse yuko abakirisu bakwiye “gutebuka kwumva, guteba kuvuga, guteba kuraka.” (Yakobo 1:19) Nta bintu vyinshi bituma mu mubano habura agahimbare nko kwiyumvamwo ko uwo mwubakanye adatahura ingene wiyumva ku bijanye n’ingorane yinaka. Ku bw’ivyo rero, niwiyemeze kudatuma uwo mwubakanye abona ibintu muri ubwo buryo.—Matayo 7:12.

Uwitwa Wolfgang, uno akaba amaze imyaka 35 yubatse, avuga ati: “Igihe mba ndiko ndaganira n’umukenyezi wanje ku bijanye n’ingorane, ndumva mbabaye mu mutima, na canecane igihe mba mbonye ko adatahura uburyo mbona ibintu.” Uwitwa Dianna na we, ubu akaba amaze imyaka 20 yubatse, yiyemerera ibi: “Nama nabwiye umunega wanje yuko atanyumviriza vy’ukuri igihe tuba turiko turaganira ku ngorane.” None woshobora gute gutsinda iyo ntambamyi?

Ntiwibwire yuko uzi ivyo uwo mwubakanye yiyumvira canke ukuntu yiyumva. Ijambo ry’Imana  rivuga riti: “Ubgibone butera imitongano gusa, arik’ubgenge bubana n’abemera inama nziza.” (Imigani 13:10) Nugaragarize icubahiro uwo mwubakanye mu kumureka ngo aserure iryo agona ata kuza uramucira mw’ijambo. Maze, kugira ngo wiyemeze neza ko watahuye ivyo yavuze, numusubiriremwo ivyo wumvise ukoresheje amajambo yawe, ivyo ubigire ata kumuhema canke kumuryagagura. Nureke uwo mwubakanye agukosore nimba mu vyo yavuze hari ico watahuye ukutari ko. Ntiwiharize ijambo. Umwumwe wese naze arisunga ubwo buryo bwo kuganira bwavuzwe, gushika mwempi mwemeranije yuko umwe wese atahura ivyiyumviro vy’uwundi be n’ukuntu yiyumva ku bijanye n’iyo ngorane.

Ni ivy’ukuri yuko bisaba ukwicisha bugufi be n’ukwihangana kugira ngo umuntu atege yompi uwo bubakanye yongere yemere ivyiyumviro vyiwe. Mugabo rero, niwaba uwa mbere mu gutera mwene iryo teka uwo mwubakanye, na we nyene bizorushiriza kumworohera kugutera iteka.—Matayo 7:2; Abaroma 12:10.

4. Nimwemeranye ku muti w’ingorane.

“Babiri baruta umwe, kuko baronka impēra kubg’ubutame bgabo. Kuk’umwe ni yatemba mugenzi we azomuvyura.” (Umusiguzi 4:9, 10) Usanga ari ingorane nkeya zitorerwa umuti mu mubano w’ababiranye igihe abubakanye bompi badasenyeye ku mugozi umwe kandi badashigikiranye.

Ni ivy’ukuri yuko Yehova yagenye ko umunega ari we aba umutwe w’umuryango. (1 Abakorinto 11:3; Abanyefeso 5:23) Ariko rero, ububemutwe ntibusobanura gutwaza igikenye. Umunega w’inkerebutsi ntazopfa gufata ingingo atagishije inama umukenyezi wiwe. Uwitwa David, uno akaba amaze imyaka 20 yubatse, avuga ati: “Ndagerageza kurondera ikintu twohurizako n’umukenyezi wanje maze nkaraba ingingo twoshigikira twempi iyo ari yo.” Uwitwa Tanya na we, ubu akaba amaze imyaka indwi yubatse, avuga ati: “Ntidushingira ku kumenya uwuvuga ukuri canke uwutavuga ukuri. Rimwe na rimwe usanga gusa hari ukutabona ibintu kumwe ku kuntu twotunganya ingorane yinaka. Nasanze ikintu nyamukuru gituma ibintu bigenda neza ari ukutadadaza be n’ugukora ibitegereka.”

Yezu yagereranije umubano w’ababiranye n’ingǒgo. (Matayo 19:6) Mu gihe ca Yezu, ingǒgo yari ikigegene c’igiti caboherwa ku bitungwa bibiri kugira ngo bishobore gukora igikorwa kinaka. Mu gihe ivyo bitungwa bitaba bisenyeye ku mugozi umwe, nta kintu kinini vyarangura kandi iyo ngǒgo yarashobora kubimyora ku mazosi. Mu gihe vyaba bikoreye hamwe, vyarashobora gukwega ibintu biremereye canke bikarima.

Muri ubwo buryo nyene, igihe umunega n’umukenyezi badakoreye hamwe, iyo ngǒgo y’umubano yoshobora kubamyora. Ariko mu gihe bokwiga gukorera hamwe, boshobora gutunganya hafi ingorane iyo ari yo yose yokwaduka kandi bagashika ku bintu vyinshi. Umunega umwe ahimbawe yitwa Kalala avuga ivyo bintu muri make muri ubu buryo: “Mu myaka 25, jewe n’umukenyezi wanje twagiye turatunganya ingorane mu kuganira tudahishanya, mu kuza turishira umwumwe wese mu kibanza c’uwundi, mu kuza turasenga Yehova tumusaba imfashanyo be no mu kuza turashira mu ngiro ingingo ngenderwako zo muri Bibiliya.” Woba nawe ushobora kubigenza gutyo?