Gushima ni ntahara mu rugo kugira rurame. Ariko rero abagabo n’abagore benshi ntibakibona ivyiza biranga abo bubakanye, icibagiwe co ni ukubashimira. Mu gitabu kimwe (Emotional Infidelity), umuhanuzi umwe mu vy’imibano avuga ko abubakanye benshi bamwitura baba “barajwe ishinga n’ibidakorwa [mu mubano wabo] aho kwitwararika ibisanzwe bikorwa.” Avuga kandi ati: “Ntibaza mu biro iwanje kumbwira ivyo boshima ko bidahinduka ahubwo baza kumbwira ibikwiye guhinduka. Ingorane baba bafise ni uko bibagora gushimira uwo bubakanye kugira bamwereke ko bamukunda.”

None iyo ngorane mwoyirinda gute mu rugo rwanyu?

Gukenguruka birashobora kworosha ibintu mu mubano. Igihe umugabo n’umugore bitwararitse kubona ivyiza ku bo bubakanye no kubashimira, ubucuti bwabo burakomera, n’ukutumvikana gukomeye kugashobora guhwama.

Abakenyezi. Ca gitabu twavuga, kivuga ko “abakenyezi benshi basa n’abiyobagiza ko gutunga umuryango ari urugamba rutoroshe abagabo bamamwo.” Mu mihingo imwimwe, usanga ari urugamba n’igihe nyene abubakanye bompi baba bakora.

Abagabo. Akenshi abagabo ntibaha agaciro uruhara rw’umukenyezi mu rugo, nko kurondera ibibeshaho umuryango, kurera abana canke kwitwararika urugo. Umukenyezi yitwa Fiona, * akaba amaze nk’imyaka itatu yubatse, avuga ati: “Nta wudakora amakosa, kandi iyo ndayakoze numva niyanse. Rero igihe umunega wanje anshimiye ku kintu ciza nakoze, nk’udukorwa two muhira, nca mbona ko akinkunda naho ntabuze udukosa. Nca numva kandi ko nshigikiwe, nkumva nishimye.”

Ikibabaje, igihe umugabo canke umugore yumva ko ivyo akora bidashimwa, birashobora gutuma urugo rugeramirwa. Umukenyezi yitwa Valerie avuga ati: “Igihe wumva ko uwo mwubakanye ataguha agaciro, biroroha ko wumva ukunze uwuguha agaciro.”

Niwihweze. Mu ndwi ikurikira, uze wihweze ivyiza biranga uwo mwubakanye, wongere urabe ivyo akora, kumbure birya utahora uha agaciro ariko bituma urugo rwanyu rumererwa neza. Iyo ndwi irangiye, nuce ugira urutonde (1) rw’ibintu vyiza ushima ku wo mwubakanye be (2) n’ivyo yakoze vyagiriye akamaro urugo rwanyu.—Iciyumviro co muri Bibiliya: Abafilipi 4:8.

Kubera iki ivyo bihambaye? Umukenyezi yitwa Erika avuga ati: “Umaze imyaka nk’ingahe wubatse urwawe birashika ugatangura kudaha agaciro uwo mwubakanye. Ntuba ukibona ivyiza akora ahubwo witaho kuraba ivyo adakora.”

Niwibaze uti: ‘Noba mpa agaciro ivyo uwo twubakanye akora?’ Nk’akarorero, iyo umunega wawe asanasanye utuntu mu nzu, woba ureka kumushimira ngo ni uko akoze ivyo yategerezwa gukora? Nimba uri serugo, wibaza ko udakwiye gushimira umukenyezi wawe ku bw’akigoro agira mu kurera abana ngo ni uko ari igikorwa yabwirizwa gukora? Niwame witaho kuraba no gushima akigoro kose kaba ari kanini canke gatoyi uwo mwubakanye agira ngo urugo rwanyu rumererwe neza.—Iciyumviro co muri Bibiliya: Abaroma 12:10.

Niwame umukeza. Bibiliya ntidusaba gusa gushima ahubwo idusaba ‘kwerekana ko dushima.’ (Abakolosayi 3:15) Niwimenyereze rero gushimira uwo mwubakanye. Umugabo yitwa James avuga ati: “Iyo umukenyezi wanje anshimiye ku vyo nakoze, nca ngira intege zo kurushiriza kuba umunega mwiza no kwitaho umubano wacu.”—Iciyumviro co muri Bibiliya: Abakolosayi 4:6.

Igihe abagabo n’abagore bashimira abo bubakanye biratuma ubucuti bwabo bukomera. Umugabo yitwa Michael avuga ati: “Umwe wese mu bubakanye yibanze ku vyo ashima ku wundi, nibaza ko vyotuma ingo nyinshi zidasenyuka. Ingorane zadutse, ntiboshira imbere kurusambura kuko bama babona ubwiza bw’umubano wabo.”