IKIGABANE CA 28

Kuki abakobwa batankunda?

Ivyo ari vyo vyose aranshima. Namubwiye ivyanje vyose: ivyo ntunze, aho maze kuja, abo tuzinanye. Ntabuze kuba ashashaye rwose ko twokundana!

Ese isi yopfuma yasama ikamira! Mbega ntabona ico nshaka kuvuga? Iki kiyago nogihagarika gute ntarinze kumubabaza?

 URAGEZE kwiyumvira ivyo kwubaka urwawe. Wipfuza kuronka umuntu asa neza kandi musangiye ukwemera. (1 Abakorinto 7:39) Ariko igihe cose wagerageje gutangura kugiranira ubugenzi n’umukobwa, wumvise umengo uribomye ku ruhome. None vyankiye hehe? Abakobwa boba barondera gusa abahungu bezabeza? Umukobwa umwe yitwa Lisa avuga ati: “Umusore w’imirya ntangwa nabi.” Yamara abakobwa benshi hari n’ibindi baraba. Uwitwa Carrie w’imyaka 18 agira ati: “Abahungu bezabeza ntibama bafise kamere za nkenerwa.”

Izo “kamere za nkenerwa” ni izihe? Nimba ushaka kumenya neza umukobwa, ni ibiki ukwiye kuraba? Vyongeye, ni ingingo ngenderwako zo muri Bibiliya izihe ukwiye kwibuka?

Ico woherako

Imbere yo gufata ingingo yo kugiranira imigenderanire n’umukobwa kanaka, hari kamere zimwezimwe zihambaye ukwiye gutsimbataza, kandi izo kamere zizogufasha kugiranira ubugenzi n’uwo ari we wese. Zirikana ibi bikurikira.

● Nugire imico myiza. Bibiliya ivuga ko urukundo ‘rutigenza ukutabereye.’ (1 Abakorinto 13:5) Kugira imico myiza birerekana ko wubaha abandi be n’uko uriko uraba umuntu ahumuye, afise kamere nk’iya Kristu. Ariko rero, imico myiza si nk’ikoti wambara kugira ushimwe n’abandi ariko ushitse i muhira ugaca uyikura. Niwibaze uti: ‘Noba ngaragaza imico myiza ndi kumwe n’abo mu muryango wacu?’ Nimba utabigira, niwarondera kuyigaragaza uri kumwe n’abandi atari abo muhira bizoboneka ko ari ivyo wigirisha. Ibuka iki kintu: kugira ngo umukobwa abona kure amenye neza ico uri koko, azoraba ukuntu ufata abo mu muryango wanyu.—Abanyefeso 6:1, 2.

Ivyo abakobwa bavuga: “Birandyohera koko igihe umuhungu agaragaza imico myiza mu bintu bitobito, nko kunyugururira umuryango,  no mu bintu bihambaye kuruta, nko kugaragariza umutima mwiza n’ubwitwararitsi abo mu muryango iwacu, atari jewe gusa.”—Tina.

“Biranshisha igihe ari ho tugihura n’umuhungu agaca ambaza ibibazo binyinjirira rwose mu buzima, nk’ibi ngo ‘Hari uwo mukundanye?’ canke ngo ‘Ufise imigambi iyihe?’ Si vyiza kandi birantera ubuyega!”—Kathy.

“Mbona ko ata cubahiro kirimwo igihe abahungu biyumvira ko bashobora gukinisha inyiyumvo zacu nk’aho womengo ntizihambaye, canke ukamengo twese turondera hasi hejuru kurongorwa, ku buryo dushaka ko batwumvira akagongwe.”—Alexis.

 ● Nugire isuku. Isuku rirerekana ko wubaha abandi be n’uko wiyubaha. (Matayo 7:12) Wiyubashe, birashoboka rwose ko n’abandi bazokwubaha. Ariko nutitaho isuku ryawe, utwigoro wariko uragira urondera gushimwa n’umukobwa tuzoca tuba impfagusa.

Ivyo abakobwa bavuga: “Umuhungu umwe yariko arandondera yaranuka mu kanwa basi! Sinashobora kuvyihanganira.”—Kelly.

● Nube umuntu azi kuyaga. Kuyaga neza ni wo mushinge w’ubucuti buramba. Igihe muyaga n’umugenzi wawe, ntuvuga gusa ibigushimisha ariko uravuga n’ibimushimisha. (Abafilipi 2:3, 4) Urumviriza vy’ukuri ivyo avuga kandi ugaha agaciro ivyiyumviro vyiwe.

Ivyo abakobwa bavuga: “Ndashima umuhungu dushobora kuyaga mu buryo busanzwe, ashobora kwibuka ivyo namubwiye, akabaza n’ibibazo bituma ikiyago kibandanya.”—Christine.

“Nibaza ko abahungu bakwegerwa n’ivyo babona, abakobwa na bo bagakwegerwa canecane n’ivyo bumva.”—Laura.

“Guhabwa ingabirano ni nziza. Mugabo igihe umuhungu aba ashoboye kugiranira nawe ikiyago ciza, igihe aba ashoboye kuguhoza no kukuremesha mu vyo avuga . . . Uyo aba ari sawa!”—Amy.

“Ndazi umusore umwe yisoneye, atigera atebura birenze. Turashobora vy’ukuri kugiranira ibiyago vyiza atigeze acishamwo ikintu nk’iki ngo ‘Uramota neza’ canke ngo ‘Uyu musi  uraberewe cane.’ Arantega ugutwi koko, kandi ivyo nta mukobwa bitoryohera.”—Beth.

“Noshima vy’ukuri kumenyana n’umuhungu atwenza ariko avuga n’ibintu bitarimwo ugufyina bitamotamwo uguswaganya.”—Kelly.

● Nube umuntu yitaho ibintu. Bibiliya ivuga iti: “Umwe wese azokwikorera umutwaro wiwe bwite.” (Abagalatiya 6:5) Abakobwa ntibashima umusore adashobora kuragama mu kazi kubera ubunebwe canke kubera amara umwanya urenze urugero ariko arisamaza.

Ivyo abakobwa bavuga: “Ese iyaba abahungu bamwebamwe borushiriza kwitaho ibintu. Umuhungu atameze gutyo n’ukuraba sindaba. Ntibiboneka neza.”—Carrie.

“Abahungu bamwebamwe ntibafise imigambi itomoye. Iyo bagomwe umukobwa, baramubaza imigambi yiwe bagaca bavuga ngo: ‘Eee, nanje iyo ni yo migambi mfise!’, ariko waraba ivyo bariko barakora ugasanga si yo bafise.”—Beth.

Ivyo birerekana yuko kuba umuntu yitaho ibintu bizogufasha kwunga ubugenzi bwiza. Ariko none, umaze kubona ko witeguriye kugiranira n’umukobwa kanaka ubugenzi bukomeye, ukwiye guca ukora iki?

Intambwe ikurikira

● Nubimubwire. Nimba wibaza ko umugenzi kanaka ushima yokubera umufasha mwiza, numumenyeshe ko umwiyumvira. Numubwire ukuntu wiyumva utomora kandi udacisha ku ruhande. Ego ni ko, woshobora kubura aho ubihera kubera utinya ko yohava akwankira. Mugabo kuba wemeye ukabimubwira ni ikimenyetso c’uko ukuze. Ariko uraba  maso: Ntuba umusavye ko mwokwubakana, uba gusa umusavye ko mworushiriza kumenyana. Nubone kure rero. Hamwe wobimubwira wajinyitse cane canke ushimika cane, vyoshobora kumutera ubwoba aho kumukwēgēra.

Ivyo abakobwa bavuga: “Sinshobora gusoma ibiri mu bwenge bw’umuntu. Nimba rero hari umuhungu ashaka ko turushiriza kumenyana, yobimbwiza ukuri, atomora.”—Nina.

“Vyoshobora kutoroha kuvuga hamwe mwoba mumaze igihe muri abagenzi. Ariko nokwubaha umuhungu hamwe yombwira gusa ko yipfuza ko turushiriza kumenyana atari ivy’ubugenzi gusa.”—Helen.

● Niwubahirize ingingo yiwe. Bite nimba nya mugenzi wawe avuze ko adashaka ko mugiranira ubugenzi burushirije kuba ubukomeye? Niwerekane ko umwubaha mu kwemera ko azi ikiri ku mutima wiwe be n’uko oya yiwe isobanura oya. Hamwe woguma umuhata vyokwerekana ko utarakura. Tuvugishije ukuri, hamwe yokwankira atomora nawe ukavyinyusha, mbere bigaca bigushavuza, ubwo woba koko uriko witwararika ineza yiwe canke iyawe?—1 Abakorinto 13:11.

Ivyo abakobwa bavuga: “Birandya mu mutwe iyo mbwiye umuhungu ko bidashoboka ariko akaguma angora.”—Colleen.

“Hari umuhungu nasiguriye ko ntamwiyumvamwo ariko aguma angora ngo ndamuhe inomero zanje za telefone. Sinashaka kumubabaza. Nakare, bishobora kuba bitari vyamworoheye kurinduka akambwira ko ankunda. Ariko vyahavuye biba ngombwa ko ndamwishitura.”—Sarah.

Ico udakwiye gukora

Hari imisore yiyumvira ko biyorohera cane gukundwa n’abakobwa. Boshobora mbere guhiganwa n’abo mu runganwe rwabo kugira berekane uwushoboye gukwēgēra abakobwa benshi. Ariko rero, uguhiganwa nk’ukwo ni kubi kandi gutuma ugira izina ribi. (Imigani 20:11) Ivyo urashobora kuvyirinda mu kuguma wibuka ibi bikurikira.

 ● Nturondere gukwegakwega abakobwa. Umuhungu akwegakwega abakobwa akoresha akarimi gasosa n’ibimenyetso vy’umubiri bikwēgēra. Nta ntumbero aba afise yo kugiranira n’umukobwa ubucuti buteye iteka. Ukoze ibintu nk’ivyo woba wirengagije impanuro ya Bibiliya igusaba gufata “abagore bakiri bato . . . nka bashikawe, mu kutandura kwose.” (1 Timoteyo 5:2) Abahungu bakwegakwega abakobwa bavamwo abagenzi babi n’abanega babi. Abakobwa bazi ubwenge barazi ico kintu.

Ivyo abakobwa bavuga: “Ntibiryoshe na gato igihe umuhungu akubwira utujambo dusosa kandi uzi ko ata kwezi kuhaciye abwiye umugenzi wawe utwo tujambo nyene.”—Helen.

“Hari umusore w’umusonga yatanguye kunkwegakwega, ambwira canecane ibimwerekeye. Igihe uwundi mwigeme yaza mu mugwi wacu, yamugiriye ivyo nyene. Haciye haza n’uwugira gatatu, na we amubwira ya majambo nyene. Vyarashisha!”—Tina.

● Ntukinishe inyiyumvo z’umukobwa. Ntiwitege ko ubucuti umuntu agiranira n’uwo badasangiye igitsina bumera  nk’ubwo agiranira n’uwo basangiye igitsina. Uti kuki? Zirikana iki kintu: Hamwe wobwira umugenzi w’umuhungu ko aberewe n’impuzu nshasha yambaye canke ukama umuganiriza mbere ukamubwira n’amabanga yawe, ugira ngo yoca yiyumvira ko ushaka ko mukundana? Mugabo hamwe wobwira umukobwa ko yambaye neza canke ukama umuganiriza mbere ukamubwira amabanga yawe, yoshobora guca yiyumvira ko umwiyumvamwo.

Ivyo abakobwa bavuga: “Sinzi ko abahungu batahura ko badashobora gufata abakobwa nk’uko bafata abagenzi babo b’abahungu.”—Sheryl.

“Dufate ko umuhungu aronse inomero zanje za telefone, agaca andungikira ubutumwa. None, . . . ivyo bisobanura iki? Rimwe na rimwe urashobora kugiranira ubucuti n’umuntu mu kurungikiranira ubutumwa hanyuma ukumva uramukunze, ariko none mu butumwa umuntu ashobora kuvuga ibingana iki?”—Mallory.

“Sinzi ko abahungu batahura ingene umukobwa ashobora kwiyumvamwo umuhungu ningoga, na canecane igihe yitwararikana kandi yoroshe kuyagisha. Si ukuvuga ko uwo mukobwa aba yarihebuye. Nibaza gusa ko abakobwa benshi baba bipfuza kuronka uwo bakundana be n’uko bama bareretse ko hoza uwumeze nk’uko bipfuza.”—Alison.

RABA N’AYANDI MAKURU MU GITABU CA 2, IKIGABANE CA 3

MU KIGABANE GIKURIKIRA

Wovuga ko urukundo nyakuri n’urukundo rw’igihababu bitandukaniye he?

ICANDITSWE NYAMUKURU

“[Mwambare] wa muntu mushasha yaremwe hisunzwe ukugomba kw’Imana mu bugororotsi bw’ukuri no mu kudahemuka kw’ukuri.”—Abanyefeso 4:24.

IMPANURO

Baza abantu bahumuye nka bangahe ubuhanga biyumvira ko bikenewe cane ko umusore atsimbataza, maze urabe ko hari ivyo ukeneye kuryohora muri uwo muce.

WARI UBIZI . . . ?

Ico uri imbere kirahambaye kuruta uko uboneka inyuma.

ICO NTEGEKANYA GUKORA!

Umuce umwe norushiriza kugaragazamwo imico myiza ni ․․․․․

Kugira ndyohore ubuhanga bwanje bwo kuyaga, nzokora ibi: ․․․․․

Ico noshima kubaza umuvyeyi wanje (abavyeyi banje) kuri iki kiganiro ni ․․․․․

UVYIBAZAKO IKI?

● Wokwerekana gute ko wiyubaha?

● Wokwerekana gute ko wubaha ivyiyumviro vy’umukobwa n’inyiyumvo ziwe?

[Iciyumviro nyamukuru ku rup. 198]

“Abahungu biyumvira ko kugira bashimwe n’abakobwa bategerezwa kwambara ukunaka canke kuboneka ukunaka. Naho ivyo ari vyo ku rugero runaka, nibaza ko abakobwa benshi bashima canecane kamere nziza.”—Kate

[Ifoto ku rup. 197]

Imico myiza si nk’ikoti wambara kugira ushimwe n’abandi ariko ushitse i muhira ugaca uyikura