NAʻE tohi ʻe ha tokotaha loto-mamahi: “ʻI heʻeku kei siʻí ʻi ʻIngilani, naʻe akoʻi ai au ke ʻoua te u fakahaaʻi fakahāhā ʻeku ngaahi ongoʻí. ʻOku ou manatuʻi ʻa ʻeku tamaí, ko ha tangata naʻe ʻalu ʻi he taú, naʻá ne ʻūʻūnifo ʻo ne pehē mai kiate au, ‘ʻOua te ke tangi!’ ʻi he taimi kuo hoko ai ha meʻa ʻo u mamahi ai. ʻOku ʻikai te u manatuʻi pe ne ʻuma pe fāʻofua mai ʻa ʻeku faʻeé ki ha taha ʻo kimautolu fānaú (ʻa ia naʻa mau toko fā.) Naʻá ku taʻu 56 ʻi he taimi naʻá ku sio ai ki he mate ʻa ʻeku tamaí. Naʻá ku ongoʻi ko ha mole lahi fakaʻulia ia. Ka, ʻi he kamataʻangá, naʻe ʻikai malava ke u tangi.”

ʻI he ngaahi anga fakafonua ʻe niʻihi, ʻoku fakahaaʻi fakahāhā ai ʻe he kakaí ʻenau ngaahi ongoʻí. Tatau ai pē pe ʻoku nau fiefia pe mamahi, ʻoku ʻiloʻi ʻe he niʻihi kehé ʻa e anga ʻo ʻenau ongoʻí. ʻI he tafaʻaki ʻe tahá, ʻi he ngaahi feituʻu ʻe niʻihi ʻo e māmaní, ʻoku fakatokangaʻi ʻi he tafaʻaki fakatokelau ʻo ʻIulopé mo Pilitānia, kuo anga ʻa e kakaí ia, tautefito ki he kakai tangatá, ke fūfuuʻi ʻenau ngaahi ongoʻí, ke lōmia ʻenau ngaahi ongoʻí, ke nau nofo nonga pē ʻo ʻoua ʻe fakahāhaaʻi ʻenau ngaahi ongoʻí he lolotonga ʻo e mamahí. Ka ʻi he taimi kuó ke loto-mamahi ai ʻi he mole atu ha tokotaha ʻofeina, ʻoku hala nai ke fakahaaʻi hoʻo loto-mamahí? Ko e hā ʻa e lau ʻa e Tohitapú?

Naʻe tohi ʻa e Tohitapú ʻe he kau Hepelū ʻo e feituʻu fakahahake ʻo e Metiteleniané, ʻa ia ko ha kakai naʻa nau fakahāhā ʻenau ongoʻí. ʻOku ʻi he Tohitapú ʻa e ngaahi fakatātā lahi fekauʻaki mo e faʻahinga naʻa nau fakahaaʻi fakahāhā ʻenau loto-mamahí. Naʻe tangi ʻa e Tuʻi ko Tēvitá ʻi he mole atu ʻa hono foha ko ʻAmanoní ʻi hono fakapoongí. Ko hono moʻoní, naʻá ne “tagi: bea nae tagi lahi aubito.” (2 Samuela 13:​28-39, PM) Naʻe aʻu ʻo ne loto-​mamahi ʻi he mole atu ʻa hono foha anga-lavaki ko ʻApisalomé, ʻa ia naʻá ne feinga ke faʻao taʻefakalao ʻa e tuʻunga fakatuʻí. ʻOku fakahā mai ʻe he fakamatala ʻa e Tohitapú: “Pea fuʻu gaūe ai ʻa e finagalo ʻo e tuʻi [Tēvita], ʻo ne ʻalu hake ki he loki ʻi ʻolunga ʻi he funga matanikolo mo tangi: pea ʻi heʻene ʻalu naʻa ne lea ʻo pehe, ʻE hoku foha ko Apisalome, hoku foha, hoku foha ko Apisalome! taumaiā ne u mate au ko ho fetongi, ʻe Apisalome, hoku foha, hoku foha!” (2 Samiuela 18:33) Naʻe tangi ʻa Tēvita ʻo hangē pē ko ia ʻoku fai ʻe ha tamai totonu. Pea kuo tuʻo lahi ʻa e fakaʻamu ʻa e ngaahi mātuʻá ke pehē ange mai ko kinautolu naʻe maté kae ʻikai ko ʻenau fānaú! ʻOku hangehangē ʻoku ʻikai ʻaupito totonu ki ha kiʻi tama ke ne mate ki muʻa ʻi ha taha ʻo e ongo mātuʻá.

Ko e hā ʻa e meʻa naʻe fai ʻe Sīsū ʻi he mate ʻa hono kaumeʻa ko Lasalosí? Naʻá ne tangi ʻi heʻene ofi ki he fonualoto ʻo Lasalosí. (Sione 11:​30-38) Ki mui mai ai, naʻe tangi ʻa Mele Makitaline ʻi heʻene ofi ki he faʻitoka ʻo Sīsuú. (Sione 20:​11-16) Ko e moʻoni, ko ha Kalisitiane ʻokú ne maʻu ʻa e mahino ʻo fekauʻaki mo e ʻamanaki ʻo e toetuʻú ʻoku ʻi he Tohitapú ʻoku ʻikai te ne loto-mamahi ʻo taʻealafakafiemālieʻi, ʻo hangē ko ia ʻoku fai ʻe he niʻihi ʻoku ʻikai te nau maʻu ha mahino  māʻalaʻala ʻo makatuʻunga mei he Tohitapú ki heʻenau ngaahi tui ʻo fekauʻaki mo e tuʻunga ʻo e kau maté. Ka ʻi he ngaahi ongoʻi totonu ʻoku maʻu ʻe he faʻahinga ʻo e tangatá, ʻoku loto-mamahi mo tangi ʻa e tokotaha Kalisitiane moʻoní ʻi he mole atu ʻa ha taha naʻá ne ʻofa ai, neongo ʻokú ne maʻu ʻa e ʻamanaki ki he toetuʻú.​—1 Tesalonaika 4:​13, 14.

Ko e hā ʻa e meʻa ʻoku tau fai ʻi he ʻaho ní? ʻOkú ke faingataʻaʻia pe ongoʻi mā ke fakahāhaaʻi ʻa hoʻo ngaahi ongoʻí? Ko e hā ʻoku fokotuʻu mai ʻe he kau faleʻí? Ko ʻenau ngaahi fakakaukau ʻi onopooní ʻoku nau toe fakalea mai pē ʻa e fakakaukau fakapotopoto motuʻa mo fakamānavaʻi ʻi he Tohitapú. ʻOku pehē ʻe he kau faleʻí ʻoku totonu ke tau fakahāhaaʻi ʻetau loto-mamahí, ʻo ʻoua ʻe lōmia ia. ʻOku fakamanatu mai ai kiate kitautolu ʻe he meʻá ni ʻa e kau tangata anga-tonu ʻo e kuonga ko ē, ʻo hangē ko Siope, Tēvita, mo Selemaia, ʻa ia ʻoku hā ʻi he Tohitapú ʻa ʻenau fakahāhaaʻi ʻenau loto-mamahí. Naʻe ʻikai te nau kukuta ʻa ʻenau ngaahi ongoʻí. Ko ia ai, ʻoku ʻikai fakapotopoto ke ke fakamavaheʻi koe mei he kakaí. (Palovepi 18:1) Ko hono moʻoní, ʻoku fakahaaʻi ʻa e loto-mamahí ʻi he ngaahi founga kehekehe ʻi he ngaahi anga fakafonua  kehekehe, pea ʻoku toe fakatuʻunga foki ʻi he ngaahi tui fakalotu ʻoku mālohí. a

Fēfē kapau ʻokú ke ongoʻi ʻokú ke fie tangi? Ko e konga ia ʻo e natula ʻo e tangatá ke tangi. Manatuʻi ʻa e taimi naʻe mate ai ʻa Lasalosí, ko Sīsū naʻe “toʻe ia i he laumalie, . . . Bea tagi.” (Sione 11:​33, 35, PM) Naʻá ne fakahā ai ko e tangí ko ha meʻa totonu pē ia ʻoku hoko ʻi he mate ʻa ha taha naʻá te ʻofa ai.

ʻOku poupou ki he meʻá ni ʻa e meʻa naʻe hoko ki ha faʻē, ko Anne, ʻa ia naʻe mole atu ʻa ʻene pēpē ko Rachel, ʻi he mate fakafokifā ʻoku hoko ki ha kiʻi pēpē ngali moʻui lelei ʻoku teʻeki ai ke taʻu tahá, ʻa ia ko e SIDS. Naʻe pehē ʻe hono husepānití: “Ko e meʻa naʻe fakaofó he naʻe ʻikai ke tangi ʻa Anne pe ko au ʻi he putú. Ko e tokotaha kehe kotoa pē naʻa nau tangi.” Fekauʻaki mo e meʻá ni, naʻe pehē ʻe Anne: “ʻIo, ka naʻá ku tangi lahi maʻamaua fakatouʻosi. ʻOku ou fakakaukau naʻá ku toki ongoʻi moʻoni ʻa e meʻá ni ʻi he hili ha ngaahi uike siʻi mei he meʻa fakamamahi ne hokó, ʻi he ʻaho naʻá ku nofo tokotaha ai ʻi he falé. Naʻá ku tangi he ʻahó kotoa. Ka ʻoku ou tui naʻe tokoni ia kiate au. Naʻá ku ongoʻi lelei ange ai. Naʻe pau ke u tengihia ʻa e mole atu ʻa ʻeku pēpeé. ʻOku ou tui moʻoni ʻoku totonu ke ke tuku pē ʻa e kakai ʻoku loto-mamahí ke nau tangi. Neongo ʻoku fakaenatula pē ki ha niʻihi ke nau pehē, ‘ʻOua ʻe tangi,’ ka ʻoku ʻikai ko ha lea tokoni moʻoni ia.”

Ko e hā ʻa e meʻa ʻoku fai ʻe he niʻihi ʻi he taimi ʻoku hoko ai ʻa e tuēnoa ʻi he mole atu ʻa ha taha ʻofeina? Ko e fakatātaá, fakakaukau ange kia Juanita. ʻOkú ne ʻiloʻi ʻa e anga ʻo e ongoʻi ʻi he mole atu ʻa ha pēpē. Naʻe tuʻo nima ʻa ʻene tamatō. Naʻá ne toe feitama ʻeni. Ka ʻi he hoko ha fakatuʻutāmaki ʻa ha motokā pea pau ai ke ʻave ia ki he falemahakí, naʻá ne hohaʻa lahi. ʻI he hili ha uike ʻe ua mei ai naʻá ne langā​—ka naʻe teʻeki ai ke aʻu ki hono taimi totonú. Taimi siʻi pē mei ai naʻá ne fāʻeleʻi mai leva ha kiʻi taʻahine ko Vanessa​—naʻe lahi siʻi hake pē ʻi he pauni ʻe ua hono mamafá. ʻOku pehē ʻe Juanita: “Naʻá ku fiefia lahi ʻaupito, heʻeku toki hoko ai ko ha faʻē!”

Ka naʻe taimi siʻi pē ʻa ʻene fiefiá. ʻI he hili pē ʻa e ʻaho ʻe fā naʻe mate ʻa Vanessa. ʻOku manatuʻi ʻe Juanita: “Naʻá ku ongoʻi ko e fakamasiva ʻaupito. Ne mole atu meiate au ʻa hoku tuʻunga ko e faʻeé. Naʻá ku ongoʻi taʻekakato. Naʻe hoko ko ha meʻa fakamamahi ʻa e haʻu  ki ʻapi ki he loki naʻá ma teuteu moʻo Vanessa pea sio ki he fanga kiʻi falani loto naʻá ku fakatau maʻaná. ʻI he ngaahi māhina siʻi hono hokó, naʻá ku fakakaukauloto atu ai ki he ʻaho naʻe fāʻeleʻi ai iá. Naʻe ʻikai te u fiemaʻu ke u toe feohi mo ha taha.”

ʻOku fuʻu tōtuʻa ʻa e anga ʻo e ongoʻi ko iá? ʻE faingataʻa nai ke mahino ia ki he niʻihi, ka ko e faʻahinga, ʻo hangē ko Juanita, ʻa ia kuo nau hokosia ʻa e meʻa ko iá ʻoku nau pehē ʻoku nau loto-mamahi ki heʻenau pēpeé ʻo hangē pē ko ha taha kuó ne moʻui mai ʻi ha vahaʻa taimi lahi. Ki muʻa fuoloa pea toki fāʻeleʻi mai ha kiʻi tama, ʻoku nau pehē, ʻoku ʻosi ʻofaʻi pē ia ʻe heʻene ongo mātuʻá. ʻOku ʻi ai ha fehokotaki makehe mo e faʻeé. ʻI he taimi ʻoku mate ai ʻa e pēpē ko iá, ʻoku ongoʻi ʻe he faʻeé kuo mole atu ha tokotaha moʻoni. Pea ko e meʻa ia ʻoku fiemaʻu ke mahino ki he niʻihi kehé.

Naʻe fakahaaʻi ʻe ha toe faʻē ʻe taha ʻa ʻene ngaahi ongoʻí ʻi hono tala ange kiate ia kuo mate fakafokifā ʻa ʻene kiʻi tamasiʻi taʻu ono koeʻuhi ko ha palopalema ʻi hono mafú naʻá ne tupu hake pē mo ia. “Naʻá ku foua ʻa e ngaahi ongoʻi kehekehe​—ko e ongonoa, taʻetui, halaia, mo e ʻita ki hoku husepānití pea mo e toketaá ʻi he ʻikai te na ʻiloʻi ʻa e tuʻunga mafatukituki naʻe ʻi ai ʻa e kiʻi tamasiʻí.”

Ko e ʻitá ʻoku malava ke toe hoko ia ko e fakaʻilonga ʻo e loto-mamahí. Mahalo pē ko e ʻita ki he kau toketaá mo e kau neesí, ʻi he fakakaukau atu naʻe totonu ke nau fai ha meʻa lahi ange ʻi heʻenau tokanga ki he tokotaha kuo maté. Pe ko e ʻita nai ki he ngaahi kaumeʻá mo e kāingá ʻa ia ʻoku hangehangē ʻoku nau leaʻaki pe fai ha meʻa ʻoku hala. ʻOku ʻita ʻa e niʻihi ki he tokotaha kuo maté koeʻuhi ko ʻene taʻetokanga ki heʻene moʻuí. ʻOku pehē ʻe Stella: “ʻOku ou manatuʻi ʻa ʻeku ʻita ki hoku husepānití koeʻuhi naʻá ku ʻilo naʻe mei malava pē ke ne sai. Naʻá ne puke lahi ʻaupito, ka naʻe ʻikai te ne tokanga ki he ngaahi fakatokanga ʻa e toketaá.” Pea ʻi he taimi ʻe niʻihi ʻoku hoko ʻa e ʻitá ki he tokotaha kuo mole atú koeʻuhi ko e ngaahi kavenga ʻoku hilifaki mai ʻe heʻene maté ki he tokotaha ʻoku kei moʻuí.

ʻOku ongoʻi halaia ʻa e niʻihi koeʻuhi ko ʻenau ʻitá​—ʻa ia, ʻoku nau fakahalaiaʻi nai kinautolu koeʻuhi ko ʻenau ongoʻi ʻitá. ʻOku tukuakiʻi ʻe he niʻihi ʻa kinautolu pē ki he mate ʻa ha taha naʻa nau ʻofa ai. ʻOku nau pehē hifo kiate kinautolu ʻi he loto-pau: “Naʻe ʻikai ke mei mate ia, ʻo kapau pē naʻe fakavavevave ange ʻa ʻeku ʻave ia ki he toketaá” pe “ʻai ia ke ne sio ki ha toe toketā ʻe taha” pe “ʻai ia ke ne tokanga lelei ange ki heʻene moʻuí.”

ʻOku toe mahulu atu mei ai ʻa e ongoʻi halaia ia ʻa e niʻihi, tautefito ʻo kapau naʻe mate fakafokifā mo taʻeʻamanekina ʻa e tokotaha naʻa nau ʻofa aí. ʻOku kamata ke nau fakamanamanatuʻi ʻa e ngaahi taimi naʻa nau ʻita ai ki he tokotaha kuo mole atú pe ngaahi taimi naʻa nau fakakikihi ai mo iá. Pe ʻoku nau ongoʻi nai  naʻe ʻikai te nau fakahoko moʻoni ʻa e ngaahi meʻa kotoa naʻe totonu ke nau fai ki he tokotaha kuo mālōloó.

Ko e ʻalunga ʻo e loto-mamahi fuoloa ʻa e ngaahi faʻē tokolahi ʻoku poupou ia ki he meʻa ʻoku leaʻaki ʻe he kau mataotao tokolahi, ʻo pehē ko e mole atu ʻa ha kiʻi tama ʻokú ne fokotuʻu ha ongoʻi tuēnoa tuʻuloa ʻi he moʻui ʻa e ongo mātuʻá, tautautefito ki he faʻeé.

Ko e mole atu ha hoa mali ko ha toe faʻahinga meʻa fakamamahi ia ʻe taha, tautefito ʻo kapau naʻá na fakatou ngāue fakataha ʻi he ngaahi meʻa lahi ʻi heʻena moʻuí. ʻOku lava ke ʻuhinga ia ko e ngataʻanga ʻo e founga moʻui fakakātoa naʻá na fakatou kau ki aí, ko e ngataʻanga ʻo e fononga, ngāue, fakafiefia, mo e fefalalaʻaki.

ʻOku fakamatala ʻa Eunice ki he meʻa naʻe hoko ʻi he mate fakafokifā ʻa hono husepānití tupu mei ha mahaki mafu. “ʻI he ʻuluaki uiké, naʻá ku ʻi ha tuʻunga ʻo e ongonoa fakaeongo, ʻo hangē kuo ʻikai te u fai ha meʻa. Naʻe aʻu ʻo ʻikai te u maʻu ʻa e ifo pe nāmuʻi ha meʻa. Ka, naʻe kei ngāue pē ʻeku fakakaukau leleí. Koeʻuhi naʻá ku ʻi he tafaʻaki ʻo hoku husepānití lolotonga ʻo ʻenau feinga ke fakatuʻumaʻu ʻa e tuʻunga ʻokú ne ʻi aí ʻaki hono ngāueʻaki ha founga fakafaitoʻo ko e CPR ke toe fakafoki ʻene mānavá ki he tuʻunga totonú pea mo hono ngāueʻaki ʻa e faitoʻó, naʻe ʻikai te u hokosia ʻa e faʻahinga ongoʻi ke fakaʻikaiʻi ʻa e meʻa kuo hokó. Ka  neongo ia, naʻe ʻi ai ha ongoʻi mālohi ʻo e koto kulanoa, ʻo hangē ko e faʻahinga ongoʻi te u maʻu ʻo kapau naʻá ku sio ki ha meʻalele ʻoku tō mei ha lilifa pea halaʻatā ha meʻa te u ala fai ki ai.”

Naʻe tangi ʻa e fefiné ni? “Ko hono moʻoní naʻá ku tangi, tautefito ʻi he taimi naʻá ku lau hifo ai ʻa e ngaahi kaati fiekaungāmamahi ʻe laui teau naʻá ku maʻú. Naʻá ku tangi ʻi he kaati taki taha. Naʻe tokoni ia kiate au ke u fekuki ai mo e toenga ʻo e ʻahó. Ka naʻe ʻikai ʻaupito ke malava ke ʻi ai ha tokoni ʻi he taimi naʻe toutou ʻeke mai ai kiate au pe ʻoku ou ongoʻi fēfē. Naʻe hā mahino naʻá ku taʻelata.”

Ko e hā naʻe tokoni kia Eunice ke ne fekuki atu ai mo hono loto-mamahí? ʻOkú ne pehē: “Naʻe ʻikai te u fakatokangaʻi, ʻa ʻeku fai ha fili taʻefakakaukauʻi ke u hoko atu ā ʻi heʻeku moʻuí. Kae kehe, ko e meʻa ʻokú ne kei fakamamahiʻi aú ko e taimi ko ia ʻoku ou manatuʻi ai ʻa hoku husepānití, ʻa ia naʻá ne saiʻia lahi ʻaupito ʻi he moʻuí, ʻoku ʻikai te ne ʻi heni ke fiefia ai.”

ʻOku faleʻi mai ʻe he kau faʻu-tohi ʻo e Leavetaking​—When and How to Say Goodbye: “ʻOua ʻe tuku ʻa e niʻihi kehé ke nau puleʻi ʻa e founga ʻoku totonu ke ke fai ai ha meʻa, pe ko hoʻo ongoʻí. ʻOku kehekehe ʻa e ngāue ʻa e ʻalunga ʻo e loto-mamahí ʻi he tokotaha kotoa pē. ʻOku fakakaukau nai ʻa e niʻihi​—pea nau tala atu ʻoku nau fakakaukau​—ʻokú ke loto-mamahi ʻo fuʻu lahi pe ʻoku ʻikai feʻunga hoʻo mamahí. Fakamolemoleʻi kinautolu pea fakangaloʻi ia. ʻI hoʻo feinga ke fakamālohiʻi koe ki ha sīpinga naʻe fokotuʻu ʻe ha niʻihi kehe pe fokotuʻu ʻe he anga ʻo e kakaí fakalūkufua, ʻokú ke ʻai ai ke hōloa ʻa hoʻo fakaʻau ke toe maʻu ʻa e tuʻunga moʻuilelei fakaeongó.”

Ko hono moʻoní, ʻoku fekuki ʻa e kakai kehekehe mo honau loto-mamahí ʻi he ngaahi founga kehekehe. Heʻikai te tau feinga ke fokotuʻu atu ki he tokotaha kotoa pē ʻo pehē ʻoku lelei ange ʻa e founga ia ko ē ʻi he founga ko ē. Kae kehe, ʻoku malanga hake ʻa e fakatuʻutāmakí ʻi he taimi ʻoku ʻikai fai ai ha meʻa ke fakaleleiʻi ʻa e loto-​mamahí, pea mo e ʻikai malava ke fai hano fakaleleiʻi ia ʻe he tokotaha loto-​mamahí ki he tuʻunga moʻoni ʻokú ne ʻi aí. ʻE fiemaʻu nai leva ha tokoni mei he ngaahi kaumeʻa ʻoku nau fiekaungāmamahí. ʻOku pehē ʻe he Tohitapú: “Ko e kaumeʻa ʻoku ne ʻofa ʻi he taimi kotoa pe; pea ko hoto moʻoni naʻe fanauʻi maʻa ha faingataʻa.” Ko ia ʻoua ʻe manavasiʻi ke kumi ki ha tokoni, ke talanoa, pea ke tangi.​—Palovepi 17:17.

Ko e loto-mamahí ko ha meʻa totonu pē ia ʻoku hoko ʻi he mole atu ʻa ha taha, pea ʻoku ʻikai ke hala ʻa hono ʻai hoʻo loto-​mamahí ke hā ki he niʻihi kehé. Ka ko e toe ngaahi fehuʻi kehe ʻoku fiemaʻu ki ai ha talí: ‘ʻE anga-fēfē ʻeku fekuki mo hoku loto-mamahí? ʻOku totonu ke maʻu ha ongoʻi halaia mo e ʻita? ʻOku totonu ke fēfē ʻa ʻeku fekuki mo e ongo tuʻungá ni? Ko e hā ʻoku malava ke tokoni mai kiate au ke u kātekina ʻa e ongoʻi ʻo e mole atú pea mo e ongoʻi mamahí?’ Ko e konga hono hokó te ne tali ʻa e ngaahi fehuʻi ko iá mo e toe ngaahi fehuʻi kehe.