Abanye abantu bachitha umtshado besithi ukuphila kwabo kuzaba ngcono, kukanti abanye bayafuna ukuthi umtshado ungadiliki, kodwa kabalamandla okwenza ukuthi abatshade labo bahlale labo. Lanxa kunjalo, phose bonke abachitha umtshado bathola ukuthi ngemva kwalokho impilo iba nzima kulalokho akade bekukhangelele. Nxa usanda kuchitha umtshado ungathola ukuthi lesi yisenzakalo esidanisa ukwedlula zonke ozake uhlangane lazo. Yikho-ke, kunganceda ukuhlola amacebo alusizo eBhayibhilini angakunceda ukuthi uphumelele ukulwisana lobunzima bokuchitha umtshado.

Ukukhathazeka ngezinhlupho zemali, ukondla abantwana kanye lesizungu kungakukhulela njalo imizwa yakhona ayiphongunyamalala masinya. UJudith Wallerstein osewatshonayo owayebona ngezokuhlolwa kwengqondo wathola ukuthi okweminyaka eminengi ngemva kokuchitha  umtshado, abanye bayabe belokhu behlutshwa yikuthi baqilwa njalo batshiywa, futhi bakholwa ukuthi “impilo ilabanikazi bayo, iyadanisa njalo ilesizungu.”

ONGAKWENZA

• Kukhalele okwakulahlekelayo. Ungamkhanuka umuntu owawumthanda. Lanxa lalihluphana kakhulu, ungakhala ngenxa yokuthi awusayitholanga intokozo owawulethemba lokuthi uzakuba layo emtshadweni. (IZaga 5:18) Ungabi lenhloni zokuzinika isikhathi “sokukhala.”​—UmTshumayeli 3:1, 4.

• Ungazehlukanisi labanye. Lanxa usidinga isikhathi sokuba wedwa ukuze ukhale, ukuzehlukanisa labanye okwesikhathi eside ayisikho kuhlakanipha. (IZaga 18:1, NW) Nxa ukhuluma labangane bakho, khuluma ngezinto ezakhayo ngoba ungahlala ukhonona ngomuntu owawutshade laye, lanxa ulesizatho sokwenza njalo ungenza bakubalekele. Nxa kumele wenze izinqumo eziqakathekileyo masinyane ngemva kokuchitha umtshado, cela usizo emuntwini omthembayo.

• Nanza impilakahle yakho. Ukukhathazeka ngenxa yokuchitha umtshado kanengi kubangela ukugula, ngokwesibonelo iBP kanye lokutshaywa likhanda kanengi okubuhlungu kakhulu. Ungekeli ukudla, qinisa umzimba ngokuwulolonga, njalo uzinike isikhathi sokulala.​—Kwabase-Efesu 5:29.

• Khipha izinto ezingenza ukuthi ubulokhu uzondele umuntu owawutshade laye kumbe ongazidingiyo, kodwa ungalahli amaphepha alezinto eziqakathekileyo. Nxa izinto ezinjengamapikitsha omtshado wenu zisenza ukuthi uzwe ubuhlungu, ungazifihla kwenye indawo ukuze uzigcinele abantwabakho.

• Lwisana lemicabango yokukhathazeka. UMaSithole owachitha umtshado lomkakhe owayefebile wathi: “Ngangilokhu ngizibuza ukuthi, ‘Kambe umfazi lo ulani engingelakho?’” Kodwa uMaSithole wacina esenanzelela ukuthi ukuhlala usiba lemicabango yokukhathazeka kungenza ube ‘lomoya owephukileyo.’​—IZaga 18:14.

  Abantu abanengi bathola ukuthi ukubhala phansi lokho okubakhathazayo kubanceda ukuthi bacabange kuhle njalo bangacabangi kakhulu. Nxa ungenza lokhu, zama ukufaka engqondweni yakho umcabango omutsha owakhayo ubusukhipha ukukhathazeka ozama ukulwisana lakho. (Kwabase-Efesu 4:23) Khangela izibonelo ezimbili:

  Umcabango omdala: Ukungathembeki komkami kwabangelwa yikusilela kwami.

  Umcabango omutsha: Ukusilela kwami kwakungamelanga kunike umkami ilungelo lokuthi angathembeki kimi.

  Umcabango omdala: Ngazichithela isikhathi sami lomuntu ongayisuye.

  Umcabango omutsha: Ngingathokoza nxa ngingaqhubekela phambili ngempilo, hatshi ukubuyela emuva.

• Ungawafaki engqondweni amazwi abuhlungu. Abangane abakuthandayo lezihlobo bangakhuluma izinto ezibuhlungu kumbe ezingaqondanga mayelana lokwenzakalayo: ‘Ulunge kakhulu wena, wayevele engakufanelanga’ kumbe ‘UNkulunkulu uyakuzonda ukuchitha umtshado.’ * Kulesizatho esihle esenza iBhayibhili lisicebise ukuthi: “Ungaphiki ngokulalela wonke amazwi akhulunywa ngabantu.” (UmTshumayeli 7:21) UMaDlodlo oseleminyaka emibili umtshado wakhe uchithekile uthi: “Kulokuthi ngitshone ngicabanga ngamazwi abuhlungu, ngiyazama ukubona izinto ngombono kaNkulunkulu. Imicabango yakhe iphakeme kuleyethu.”​—U-Isaya 55:8, 9.

• Thandaza kuNkulunkulu. Ukhuthaza izikhonzi zakhe ukuthi ‘zethule kuye konke ukukhathazeka kwazo,’ ikakhulu nxa zidane kakhulu.​—1 UPhetro 5:7.

UMaMlotshwa owayeseleminyaka engu-11 etshadile  uthi: “Ngancenga umkami ukuthi ahlale. Kodwa wathi sesukile, ngamzondela kakhulu kanye lomfazi ayesemthethe.” Abanengi abachitha umtshado bathatha iminyaka eminengi belokhu bemzondele kakhulu umuntu ababetshade laye. Kodwa akulanto abangayenza ngoba kumele bahlale bekhulumisana ikakhulu nxa belabantwana.

ONGAKWENZA

• Hlala ulobuhlobo obuhloniphekayo lomuntu owawutshade laye. Khuluma ngezinto ezidingekayo kuphela njalo ukukhulume ngamafitshane lokho okufunayo. Abanengi sebakubona ukuthi ukwenza lokhu kwenza kube lokuthula.​—KwabaseRoma 12:18.

• Ungakhulumi amazwi ahlabayo. Ikakhulu nxa usuzibona uhlaselwa, iseluleko esilokuhlakanipha esisebenzayo esisithola eBhayibhilini sithi: “Umuntu ololwazi ubeka kuhle amazwi akhe ngokunanzelela.” (IZaga 17:27) Nxa kusehlula ukuthi lizwanane enkulumeni kungcono uthi: “Ngicela ukucabanga ngalokho okutshoyo besengikhuluma lawe mbayimbayi.”

• Nxa kusenza, hlukanisa izinto zakho lezomuntu owawutshade laye, kugoqela amaphepha ezinto zomthetho, awezimali kanye lawezokwelatshwa.

UMaZondo ukhumbula ukuthi kwakunjani esechithekelwe ngumtshado wakhe esithi: “Umntanami oyinkazana omncane wayekhala zikhathi zonke njalo waqalisa ukuchema engutsheni futhi. Lanxa udadewabo wayezama ukufihla imizwa yakhe, ngangibona ukuthi kasenguye.” Okunye okudanisayo yikuthi ungabona angani awulasikhathi kumbe amandla okunceda abantwabakho ngesikhathi bekudinga kakhulu.

ONGAKWENZA

• Khuthaza abantwabakho ukuthi bakhulume lawe ngemizwa yabo, lanxa kukhanya angani lokhu kungabangela ukuthi kube ‘lamazwi abhedayo.’​—UJobe 6:2, 3.

• Ubuhlobo benu kabuhlale busendaweni efaneleyo. Lanxa ungafuna umuntu ongakududuza, njalo kukhanye angani umntanakho uyafuna ukwenza lokho, akukuhle njalo kungamphambanisa umntwana ukuthi ucele ukuthi akuncedise ukuxazulula izindaba zabantu abadala. (1 KwabaseKhorinte 13:11) Ungabuzi umntanakho amacebo kumbe ukumenza abe yisithunywa senu lomkakho.

• Qhubeka ukhulisa umntanakho kuhle. Ukungantshintshi indawo yenu yokuhlala kanye lesikhathi senu sokwenza izinto kuyanceda, kodwa okuqakatheke kakhulu yikulondoloza ubuhlobo benu loNkulunkulu okugoqela ukubala iBhayibhili lilonke kanye lokukhonza kwemuli.​—UDutheronomi 6:6-9.

Ungaqhubekela phambili ngempilo ngemva kokuchitha umtshado. UMaSiziba owayeseleminyaka engu-16 etshadile uthi, “Ngize ngidivose, ngacabanga ukuthi, ‘Lokhu ayisikho engangifuna kwenzakale empilweni yami.’” Kodwa khathesi usesuthisekile ngesimo akuso. Uthi, “Ngesikhathi engekela ngaso ukuzama ukuntshintsha okwakungehlele, ngazizwa sengingcono kakhulu.”