Indoda ithi: “Sathi sisanda kutshada, mina lomkami sasilemibono ehlukeneyo mayelana lokuthi kutshoni sibili ukuhloniphana. Kwakungayisikho ukuthi omunye umbono wawuqondile omunye unxele, kodwa kwakuyikwehlukana kwayo nje kuphela. Ngangifisa ukuthi umkami azame ukuba lenhlonipho ejulileyo nxa ekhuluma lami.”

Inkosikazi ithi: “Lapho engakhulela khona kwakujayelekile ukuthi nxa umuntu ekhuluma akhweze ilizwi aze atshengisele langobuso njalo akhulume lanxa abanye besakhuluma. Sasingakuboni njengendelelo lokhu. Kodwa lapho umkami ayekhulele khona kwakungaqalwa lokho.”

Ukuhloniphana kuqakathekile emtshadweni, yikho akumelanga kube yinto oyenza gqo. Pho kungakhanya njani ukuthi uyamhlonipha umkakho?

Mthetho wawo amadoda afuna ukuhlonitshwa. IBhayibhili litshela amadoda ukuthi: “Omunye lomunye wenu laye kathande umkakhe njengoba ezithanda.” Bese liqhubeka lisithi: “Lomfazi kumele ahloniphe indoda yakhe.” (Kwabase-Efesu 5:33) Lanxa amadoda labafazi bekufuna ukuthandwa lokuhlonitshwa, amadoda wona azwa kuhle sibili nxa ehlonitshwa. Enye indoda okuthiwa nguCarlos * ithi: “Amadoda ayathokoza nxa kukhanya ukuthi ayenelisa ukulungisa izinhlupho kanye lokunakekela imuli.” Yikho nxa umkayo eyihlonipha ngenxa yalokho ekwenzayo kuzabanceda bobabili. Inkosikazi okuthiwa nguCorrine ithi: “Umkami uyangithanda kakhulu nxa ngimhlonipha.”

Abafazi labo bayakufuna ukuhlonitshwa. Amazwi la aliqiniso ngoba indoda ngeke imthande umkayo nxa ingamhloniphi. UDaniel uthi: “Kumele ngihloniphe imibono yomkami kanye lemizwa yakhe. Ukungazwisisi kwami ukuthi kungani esizwa ngaleyondlela akutsho ukuthi sekumele ngingazihluphi ngemizwa yakhe.”

Imibono ngenhlonipho ingahluka. Indaba elapha ayisiyo yalokho wena okucabangayo kodwa ngeyokuthi omunye wakho uzwa ehlonitshiwe yini. Lesi yisifundo esatholwa yinkosikazi elamazwi abhalwe ngaphansi kwesihlokwana esithi “Ubunzima.” Ithi: “Kwezinye izikhathi umkami wayebona angani angimhloniphi kodwa mina ngangingakuboni lokho. Yikho ngananzelela ukuthi yimi okwasekumele ngintshintshe indlela engenza ngayo.”

• Bhala phansi izinto ezintathu ozithandayo ngomkakho. Ungenza njalo uyabe usulalapho ongaqalisela khona ukumhlonipha.

• Zinike iviki eyodwa, ukhangele lokho wena okwenzayo (hatshi umkakho) kulokhu okulandelayo.

Inkulumo zakho. Okunye ukuhlola okwenziwa phakathi kwabatshadileyo kwatshengisa ukuthi “labo ababethokoza emitshadweni, nxa bexoxisana ngohlupho lwabo baphendulana kuhle izikhathi ezinengi ukudlula khatshana izikhathi ababetshingelana ngazo. Ikanti labo ababelemitshado eyayisilengela ekuchithekeni babephendulana kubi izikhathi ezinengi, kwakukalutshwana ukuthi baphendulane kuhle.” *—Isimiso seBhayibhili: IZaga 12:18.

Ongazibuza khona: ‘Ngikhuluma lomkami ngenhlonipho yini? Nxa ngiqathanisa yikuphi engikwenza kanengi phakathi kokuncoma lokusola? Nxa kulokunye engikusolayo loba engilesikhalazo ngakho ilizwi lami liyantshintsha yini?’ Umkakho uzavumelana lezimpendulo zakho yini?—Isimiso seBhayibhili: KwabaseKholose 3:13.

Zama lokhu: Zimisele ukuthi lingatshoni ilanga ungazange uke umncome umkakho. Ongakwenza: Khangela izinto leziyana ozithandayo ngomkakho ozibhalileyo. Zijayeze ukuhlala utshela umkakho ukuthi umthandelani.—Isimiso seBhayibhili: 1 KwabaseKhorinte 8:1.

Izenzo zakho. Omunye unkosikazi okuthiwa ngu-Alicia uthi: “Izikhathi ezinengi ngiyabe ngisenza imisebenzi yangekhaya, yikho nxa umkami ebonga ngalokho engikwenzayo ikakhulu nxa ebisela izinto abezisebenzisa endaweni yazo loba egezisa imiganu abedlela kuyo kungenza ngizibone ngiqakathekile sibili emtshadweni wethu.”

Ongazibuza khona: ‘Indlela engiphatha ngayo umkami iyatshengisa yini ukuthi ngiyamhlonipha? Ngilaso yini isikhathi eseneleyo sokuba laye?’ Umkakho uzavumelana lezimpendulo zakho yini?

Zama lokhu: Bhala izindlela ezintathu wena ofuna ukutshengiswa ngazo inhlonipho. Cela umkakho ukuthi laye enze okufananayo. Ntshintshanani elikubhalileyo ukuze ngamunye abone lapho okumele alungisise khona. Khangela lapho wena okumele ulungisise khona. Omunye angaqala, kubalula ukuthi omunye alandele.