Nukata Lɔlɔ̃ Nu Tsina?

“Edze abe ele bɔbɔe be woalɔ̃ ame zi gbãtɔ wu be woayi edzi alɔ̃e ene.”—ÐK. KAREN KAYSER.

ÐEWOHĨ mewɔ nuku be srɔ̃ɖeɖe siwo me lɔlɔ̃ mele o va le dzidzim ɖe edzi o. Srɔ̃ɖeɖe nye amegbetɔ ƒe ƒomedodo nyadri aɖe, eye ame geɖe gena ɖe eme dzadzraɖo boo aɖeke mawɔmawɔe. Ðk. Dean S. Edell gblɔ be: “Wodoa míaƒe ʋukuɖaŋu kpɔna ne míeyina ʋukukugbalẽvi xɔ ge, gake asi koe míedea agbalẽ te hexɔa srɔ̃ɖeɖaseɖigbalẽ ya.”

Eyata togbɔ be srɔ̃ɖeɖe geɖe like eye wole dzidzɔ vavãtɔ kpɔm hã la, geɖe hã le nɔnɔme sesẽwo me tom. Ðewohĩ srɔ̃tɔ siawo dometɔ ɖeka alo wo ame evea siaa ge ɖe srɔ̃ɖeɖe me henɔ mɔ kpɔm na nu geɖe gake aɖaŋu siwo hiã be woatsɔ alé ƒomedodoa ɖe te ɣeyiɣi didi mele wo si o. Ðk. Harry Reis ɖe nu me be: “Ne ƒomedodo kplikplikpli va ɖo amewo dome zi gbãtɔ la, wova kana ɖe wo nɔewo dzi ale gbegbe.” Wosena le wo ɖokui me abe ɖe woƒe zɔhɛawo “koe nye amesi ƒe nukpɔsusuwo sɔ kple wo tɔ le anyigba dzi ene. Seselelãme ma nu tsina ɣeaɖewoɣi, eye ne edzɔ nenema la, ate ŋu agblẽ nu geɖe le srɔ̃ɖeɖea ŋu.”

Dzidzɔtɔe la, medzɔna nenema gbegbe le srɔ̃ɖeɖe geɖe me o. Gake mina míade ŋugble le nusiwo na ame aɖewo ƒe lɔlɔ̃ nu tsi la dometɔ ʋɛ aɖewo ŋu kpuie.

Dziɖeleameƒo—“Menye Nusiae Menɔ Mɔ Kpɔm na O”

Rose gblɔ be: “Esime mía kple Jim míeɖe mía nɔewo la, mebui be míaƒe ƒomedodoa ava nɔ abe glitoto me Fiavinyɔnu Dzetugbe si Fiaviŋutsu Dzeɖekɛ aɖe gbugbɔ nu na le alɔ̃ me lɔlɔ̃tɔe tɔ ene—si anye lɔlɔ̃ɖeɖefia mía nɔewo belénametɔe kple ameŋubutɔe ɖeɖe sɔŋ.” Gake le ɣeyiɣi aɖe megbe la, Rose ƒe “fiavia” meva nye amelɔ̃la abe alesi wòkpɔ mɔe ene o. Egblɔ be: “Mlɔeba la, eƒe nu va to le ŋkume nam ale gbegbe.”

Sinimawo, agbalẽwo, kple hadzidzi nyanyɛwo ƒoa nu tso lɔlɔ̃ ŋu le mɔ si mesɔ le nudzɔdzɔ ŋutɔŋutɔ nu o la nu. Ne ŋutsu kple nyɔnu le zɔzɔm do ŋgɔ na srɔ̃ɖeɖe la, awɔ na wo be nusi dim yewole la tututue nye ma yewo kpɔ; gake le srɔ̃ɖeɖe ƒe ʋɛ aɖewo megbe la, wova ƒoa nya ta be drɔ̃e ko wònye kum yewonɔ! Ne nɔnɔmeawo mesɔ kple esiwo woxlẽ le lɔlɔ̃ ŋuti gligbalẽwo me o ko la, wobua srɔ̃ɖeɖe me kuxi siwo gbɔ woate ŋu akpɔ be wonye kpododonu ƒe dzesi.

Nyateƒee, srɔ̃ɖeɖe me mɔkpɔkpɔ aɖewo sɔ. Le kpɔɖeŋu me, esɔ be ame nakpɔ mɔ na lɔlɔ̃, ɖetsɔleme, kple kpekpeɖeŋu tso srɔ̃a gbɔ. Ke hã ate ŋu adzɔ be didi siawo gɔ̃ hã mava eme na ame o. Meena, si nye ɖetugbi aɖe si ɖe srɔ̃ yeye le India gblɔ be: “Ewɔna nam ko abe ɖe nyemeɖe srɔ̃ o ene. Mese le ɖokuinye me be metsi akogo eye wogblẽm ɖi.”

Masɔmasɔ na Ame Nɔewo—“Míaƒe Didiwo Mele Ðeka O”

Nyɔnu aɖe gblɔ be: “Mía kple srɔ̃nyeŋutsu ƒe didiwo katã kloe tsi tre ɖe wo nɔewo ŋu. Ŋkeke  aɖeke meva yi kpɔ si nyemebu fɔ ɖokuinye le eɖeɖe ta o. Míesɔ na mía nɔewo kura o.”

Zi geɖe la, eteƒe medidina hafi srɔ̃tɔwo va kpɔnɛ be yewoƒe nukpɔsusuwo mesɔ le nu geɖe me abe alesi wòdzee ene le yewoƒe zɔzɔ do ŋgɔ na srɔ̃ɖeɖe me o. Ðk. Nina S. Fields gblɔ be: “Zi geɖe la, srɔ̃ɖeɖe va ɖea nɔnɔme aɖewo siwo ame evea tsɔ ɣla wo nɔewo le woƒe trenɔɣiwo ɖe go.”

Ale wɔ be le srɔ̃ɖeɖe megbe la, srɔ̃tɔ aɖewo aƒo nya ta be yewomesɔ na yewo nɔewo kura o. Ðk. Aaron T. Beck gblɔ be: “Togbɔ be amewo ƒe didi kple amenyenye asɔ le go aɖewo me hã la, ame akpa gãtɔ gena ɖe srɔ̃ɖeɖe me esime vovototo  gãwo nɔa woƒe nuwɔna, agbenɔnɔ, kple nɔnɔme me.” Srɔ̃tɔ geɖe menya alesi woawɔ akpɔ vovototo mawo gbɔ o.

Dzrehehe—“Míenɔa Nyahehe Dzi Ɣesiaɣi”

Esi Cindy nɔ nu ƒom tso eƒe srɔ̃ɖeɖe ƒe gɔmedzedze ŋu la, egblɔ be: “Alesi gbegbe míewɔa dzree wɔ nuku na mí ŋutɔ—míedoa ɣli gɔ̃ hã, alo esi gavloe wue nye be míeléa dziku ɖe dɔme ɖe mía nɔewo ŋu ŋkeke geɖe.”

Masɔmasɔwo megbea srɔ̃ɖeɖe me nɔnɔ o. Gake aleke wokpɔa wo gbɔe? Ðk. Daniel Goleman ŋlɔ be: “Le srɔ̃ɖeɖe nyuitɔ me la, srɔ̃ŋutsu kple srɔ̃nyɔnu hea nya ɖe wo nɔewo ŋu faa. Gake zi geɖe la, woƒoa nu tso masɔmasɔwo ŋu le dziku helĩhelĩ me wònyea gbɔɖiɖi wo nɔewo.”

Ne edzɔ alea la, dzeɖoɖo va zua nyaʋawɔwɔ si me amesiame tea tɔ ɖe eƒe nukpɔsusu dzi vevie eye nyagbewo va nyea aʋawɔnuwo tsɔ wu be woanye dzeɖonyawo. Eŋutinunyalawo ƒe ha aɖe gblɔ be: “Nusiwo nyahehe si nu womelé o gblẽna wu dometɔ ɖekae nye be nyagbe siwo ate ŋu ana be srɔ̃ɖeɖea me nagblẽ va nɔa dodom le srɔ̃tɔawo nu.”

Ðekematsɔleme—“Míena Ta”

Nyɔnu aɖe ʋu eme le eƒe srɔ̃ɖeɖe ƒe atɔ̃ megbe be: “Medzudzɔ míaƒe srɔ̃ɖeɖe ƒe dzidzedzekpɔkpɔ ŋuti agbagbawo dzedze. Menya be maɖɔ ɖo fifia gbeɖe o. Eyata nusi ŋu metsi dzi ɖo koe nye mía viwo.”

Wogblɔ be nusi tsi tre ɖe lɔlɔ̃ ŋu tututue nye ɖekematsɔleme ke menye fuléle o. Le nyateƒe me la, ɖekematsɔleme ate ŋu agblẽ nu le srɔ̃ɖeɖe ŋu vevie abe alesi fuléle gblẽa nui ene.

Nublanuitɔe la, srɔ̃ɖeɖe si me lɔlɔ̃ mele o va maa srɔ̃tɔ aɖewo ale gbegbe be womegakpɔa mɔ na tɔtrɔ aɖeke o. Le kpɔɖeŋu me, srɔ̃ŋutsu aɖe gblɔ be yeƒe srɔ̃ɖeɖe ƒe 23 le ko abe “dɔ aɖe si medze ame ŋu o wɔwɔ” ene. Egblɔ kpee be: “Àwɔ tɔwò sinua le nɔnɔmea ŋu.” Nenema ke srɔ̃nyɔnu aɖe si ŋkɔe nye Wendy bu mɔkpɔkpɔ keŋkeŋ le woa kple srɔ̃a ƒe srɔ̃ɖeɖe ƒe adre dome ƒomedodo dzadzraɖo gome. Egblɔ be: “Medze agbagba zi geɖe, gake ɖeko wògbãa dzi nam ɣesiaɣi. Mlɔeba meva lé blanui. Nyemedi be nu ma nagadzɔ ɖe dzinye azɔ o. Ne mekpɔ mɔ na nɔnɔmeawo ƒe nyonyo la, ɖeko mawɔ fu ɖokuinye. Nyemakpɔ mɔ na naneke o boŋ—ana nyemakpɔ dzidzɔ ale o, gake ana nyemalé blanui ya o teti.”

Dziɖeleameƒo, masɔmasɔ na ame nɔewo, dzrehehe, kple ɖekematsɔleme nye nusiwo ate ŋu ahe srɔ̃ɖeɖe si me dzidzɔ mele o vɛ dometɔ aɖewo ko. Edze ƒã be nu bubu geɖe gali—siwo dometɔ ʋɛ aɖewo wode dzesii ɖe aɖaka si le axa 5 lia me. Eɖanye nuka ke gbɔe wòtsona o, ɖe mɔkpɔkpɔ li na srɔ̃tɔ siwo wòdze abe srɔ̃ɖeɖe si me dzidzɔ mele o ƒe mɔ̃ ɖe wo enea?

[Aɖaka/Nɔnɔmetata si le axa 5]

SRƆ̃ÐEÐE SIWO ME LƆLƆ̃ MELE O—EGBƆTSONU BUBUWO

• Ga: “Ame aɖe asusui be ɖoɖowɔwɔ ɖe gazazã ŋu ɖekae akpe ɖe srɔ̃tɔwo ŋu le nuwɔwɔ aduadu me, ana woazã woƒe nunɔamesiwo ɖekae atsɔ akpɔ agbemenuhiahiãwo gbɔe, eye woƒe agbagbadzedzewo me tsonuwo avivi wo nu. Gake le go sia me hã la, nusi ate ŋu abla srɔ̃tɔwo ɖekae la gate ŋu maa wo me zi geɖe.”—Ðk. Aaron T. Beck.

• Vidzidzi: “Míekpɔe be srɔ̃tɔ 67 le alafa me ƒe dzidzɔkpɔkpɔ le srɔ̃ɖeɖe me dzi ɖena kpɔtɔna ŋutɔ le wo vi gbãtɔ dzidzi vɔ megbe, eye masɔmasɔwo doa mo ɖa zi gbɔ zi enyi wu. Nusitae ƒe ɖee nye be ɖeɖi tea dzilawo ŋu eye vovo meganɔa wo ŋu o.”—Ðk. John Gottman.

• Amebeble: “Zi geɖe la, nuteƒemawɔmawɔ lɔa amebeble ɖe eme, eye ne míagblɔe ŋutɔŋutɔ la, amebeble mena wogakana ɖe ame dzi o. Esi wònye kakaɖeamedzi le vevie ale gbegbe le srɔ̃ɖeɖe kpɔdzidzedze siwo nɔa anyi didi me ta la, ɖe wòwɔ nuku be amebeble te ŋu gblẽa nu ale gbegbe le srɔ̃ɖekadodowo ŋua?”—Ðk. Nina S. Fields.

• Gbɔdɔdɔ: “Kaka srɔ̃tɔwo nabia srɔ̃gbegbalẽ le ʋɔnu la, ebɔna nukutɔe be wote gbɔdɔdɔ tete wo nɔewo ɣeyiɣi didi ŋutɔ. Le ame aɖewo gome la, womegadɔa wo nɔewo gbɔ koŋ o, eye le bubuwo gome la, ɖeko gbɔdɔdɔ nye nusi wowɔna ko, be srɔ̃tɔa ɖeka natsɔ aɖi kɔ na eƒe hiahiãwoe.”—Judith S. Wallerstein, susuŋutinunyala.

[Aɖaka/Nɔnɔmetata si le axa 6]

ALEKE WÒKPƆA ŊUSẼ ÐE ÐEVIWO DZII?

Ðe wò srɔ̃ɖeɖe ƒe nyonyome ate ŋu akpɔ ŋusẽ ɖe viwòwo dzia? Le Ðk. John Gottman, amesi wɔ numekuku le srɔ̃tɔwo ŋu ƒe 20 sɔŋ ƒe nya nu la, ŋuɖoɖoae nye ẽ. Egblɔ be: “Le ƒe ewo teƒe eve ƒe numekuku siwo míewɔ me la, míekpɔe be dzila siwo dzi medzɔna o ƒe vidzĩwo ƒe dzi tsona kabakaba wu ne wole fefem kpli wo eye womete ŋu nɔa anyi kpoo o. Le ɣeyiɣi aɖe megbe la, srɔ̃ɖeɖe me dzrehehewo na womete ŋu dzea agbagba nyuie le suku o, aleke ke woƒe susu ɖae hã.” To vovo na ema la, Ðk. Gottman gblɔ be dzila siwo dome ƒomedodo nyui le ƒe viwo “dzea agbagba nyuie wu le suku kple hadome siaa, le esi wo dzilawo fia wo alesi woade bubu ame bubuwo ŋu ahakpɔ seselelãme gome fuɖenamewo gbɔe ta.”